Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Breaking down Paterno's statement

I am absolutely devastated by the developments in this case. I grieve for the children and their families, and I pray for their comfort and relief.
If only you could have done something about it, Joe. If only you'd known. Oh, fuck. Wait...
I have come to work every day for the last 61 years with one clear goal in mind: To serve the best interests of this university and the young men who have been entrusted to my care. I have the same goal today.
Also, to maintain power over this school and town, and rule with an iron fist.
That's why I have decided to announce my retirement effective at the end of this season.
Like Putin, right? Seriously, man. You've had, like, 19 chances to go out on your own terms, and even when it becomes totally clear to you that you're no longer in control, you're going to try to beat them to the punch?
At this moment the Board of Trustees should not spend a single minute discussing my status. They have far more important matters to address. I want to make this as easy for them as I possibly can.
Who the fuck do you think you are? You are in the employ of the university. You work for them; not the other way around. They shall do whatever they deem necessary to stop the bleeding from the massive headwound you've helped inflict.
This is a tragedy. It is one of the great sorrows of my life. 
Imagine how those kids feel. Think any of them will kill themselves?
With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had done more.
So only in hindsight is it wrong to let your defensive coordinator rape children?
My goals now are to keep my commitments to my players and staff and finish the season with dignity and determination. And then I will spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to help this University.
Go to lunch.

No comments: