1. Game 7 of the 1960 World Series
This DVD is the hottest baseball release of the year. The original prints were thought to have been lost until recently, when they were found in the basement of Bing Crosby (where else?). Not only does this feature the greatest home run in World Series history, but the game itself is fantastic. Look for Yogi Berra playing left field, no strikeouts (only WS game without a K), and a young Roberto Clemente in right. Bob Prince's radio track is included as an option.
2. Tickets to Cleveland Stadium, January 2, 2011
A loss to Buffalo helped, but the Browns need to get mashed by the lowly Bungles and evil Ravens for fan interest to lower the price on these seats. Otherwise, we're banking on fierce Lake Erie weather and some help from Santa to get into this one. It's not Winter Classic hopeless, so keep it on the list for now.
3. iPod Shuffle
Infrequent-reader Mel tells us that this is a great product. Ask for it in Black & Gold for best results.
4. Penn Brewery gift certificate
Says: I know you like beer and this is classier than me giving you cash.
5. Big Ben's Beef Jerky
This has reached the status of collector's item.
6. Steelers' snuggie
Wish it was made entirely out of Terrible Towels, but then again, fleece is warmer than terrycloth.
7. a baseball-reference.com sponsorship
Don't want to be bothered by a bunch of Nicaraguan farmers sending you postcards about how great the heifer is? Still want your friends to give to a good cause in your name? Have them take out a year-long sponsorship of some horrible Pirate alum, and post on the page that he was your favorite. Recommendations: Jason Christiansen ($10); Emil Brown ($10); the entire 1998 roster ($15).
8. Hasbro Nerf N Sports VORTEX
It's nine bucks, there is no shame in asking anyone in your life to get you one of these for Christmas. Also: it whistles.
9. Tickets to the Pro Football Hall of Fame
Canton is like an hour away from Pittsburgh, the tickets are $20 or so, and it's high time you paid your respects to the game's greats. Get someone you want to go with to give you a pair. Then take Nils.
Kickball is right around the corner, people. And this isn't going to be another summer of chunkity ass failure. FUCKING WIN.