Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I think we're going to need some bigger bats

Things we learned tonight:
  • Stephen Strasburg is at least as good against the Pirates as Russ Ortiz.
  • Stephen Strasburg's curveball breaks across five dimensions.
  • A Stephen Strasburg fastball can exit a human skull at the speed of sound.
  • Stephen Strasburg's slider went back in time, shattered Governor Connally's right wrist, then turned left twice and exploded the President's head.
  • After Strasburg recorded his 12th strikeout, Cubs advance scout Dave Littlefield called Nationals GM Mike Rizzo to say he was now open to the possibility of dealing Kip Wells in a straight up trade, and he had but one player in mind.
  • Delwyn Young cares not for your $15 million guaranteed contract.
  • Stephen Strasburg's changeup can travel at up to four different speeds simultaneously.
  • Later this season, Stephen Strasburg will trigger an obscure clause in his contract allowing him to become a free agent after pitching a perfect game in which he never throws the same pitch twice, instead creating new pitches for each delivery.
  • The New York Times will break with its sports style guide and refer to Stephen Strasburg as "Mr. Stephen Strasburg" on every reference.
  • After watching four innings of Strasburg's debut on tape, New York Mets third baseman David Wright called the commissioner's office to concede all of his future career at-batsagainst Strasburg as strikeouts as a means of expediting play.
  • Jeff Karstens looks even more like a member of the British Royal family when he steps in to hit against Stephen Strasburg.

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