Ben Roethlisberger has been suspended for violating the N.F.L. personal conduct policy. The suspension will range from a minimum of four games to a maximum of six games.
The length of the suspension will be subject to Roethlisberger displaying "good behavior" and strictly adhering to the following conditions:
1) Under no circumstances should Roethlisberger take part in any of the following activities: wet t-shirt contest judging, Miss (anything) pageants, Mrs. (anything) pageants, debutant balls, any Hawaiian Tropics event, any type of pong, bottle-spinning, or "seven minutes in heaven".
2) Roethlisberger is strictly prohibited from entering any bar or club with any of the following phrases or words in their name: "Banana", "The Crazy ---", "Shooters", "Goofballz", "The --- Pit", "Wacky", "Whackos", "The --- Zoo", "Stinky's", "Zinger's", "Funky", "Monkey", "Rump", or any variation of the above.
3) Roethlisberger must enter only gender appropriate bathrooms.
4) All dancing must be done with hands on shoulders, arms fully extended.