Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Uh, guys? He's onto us...

Jeff Pearlman, of SI.com and the drastically less focused JeffPearlman.com, confirmed on his blog what we here at FTC have known since we first started reading his stuff: that Jeff Pearlman googles himself a minimum of once a week.

This isn't a shock, and it's not really anything to be ashamed of. Googling oneself is ostensibly just a nice new way technology allows us to stroke our own egos. We all do it; the more reasonable among us, though, just do it once in a while. To google yourself upwards of once a week, you have to have an astonishingly large ego and way too much free time.

We littles have things like work and school, showers, meals, social engagements. If Jeff Pearlman partakes in any of these things, it's probably because he's dragged kicking and screaming ("I can't go, honey! I think there's blood in my urine!"). Why actually watch or learn about sports when you can sit at home and blog about your feelings, or pen ill-informed diatribes that make you the sportswriter equivalent of someone who calls in to Glenn Beck three times a week?

In all fairness, Jeff does have some nice things to say about us in his post:

Oddly, I find the blog really enjoyable. Do I enjoy being bashed? Not really. Well, not at all. But I suppose it beats the alternative, which is having your stuff ignored and passed over.

Coincidentally, judging by the 0 comments beneath almost all of Free Tank Carter’s posts, the site is ignored and passed over. But it shouldn’t be. The guys who run it are funny, sharp and sorta irksome. Which is exactly what they should be. So give ‘em a read. You’ll like it.

Jeff Pearlman is right. The average post on FTC garners between 0 and .02 comments. This is not something we are terribly concerned with. And while we do appreciate Jeff's kind words for our work, we are exactly who we should be. WE ARE WHO WE THOUGHT WE WERE! And just as it's Jeff Pearlman's job to write really crappy sports columns, it's our job about make fun of really crappy sports columns. So while I'm touched that someone who once covered food and wine for the Nashville Tennessean finds our work entertaining, we're going to keep bashing his stuff until he starts writing things that make good logical sense.

There are plenty of terrible writers out there who inexplicably have jobs, and while we'll continue to seek them out and mock them in a fashion that might make both Ludwig Wittgenstein and Ken Tremendous proud, the staff of Free Tank Carter is proud to nominate Jeff Pearlman as its first official nemesis. May our symbiotic relationship of spite and hubris flourish for generations.

Sic transit gloria,

Free Tank Carter

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