Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Why it's impossible to root for the Yankees

Not to pull a Keith Hernandez, but the Yankees have a woman broadcaster on their radio team. Why is this objectionable? Here, have a listen.

While we're on the subject of broadcasters, the Yankees currently employ Michael Kay.

And if you really want your skin to crawl, have a gander at this list of nicknames and sayings, used by John Sterling:
"An A-bomb from A-Rod" (Alex Rodriguez)
"The Melkman Delivers" (Melky Cabrera)
"El Capitano" (Derek Jeter)
"The Giambino" (Jason Giambi)
"It's a Tex Message!" (Mark Teixeira)
"You're on the 'Mark' Teixeira" (Mark Teixeira)
"It's a Thrilla - By Godzilla!" (Hideki Matsui)
"The Sayonara Kid does it again!" (Hideki Matsui)
"Swish It Away" (Nick Swisher)
"Swishilicious" (Nick Swisher)
"Jorgy Juiced One" (Jorge Posada)
"Robbie Cano Don't You Know" (Robinson Cano)
"It's a Johnny Rocket" (Johnny Damon)
"Hinske with his best shot" (Eric Hinske)
"Robin becomes Batman" Robin Ventura
"The Bam-Tino" Tino Martinez
"X marks the spot" Xavier Nady
"Gardner plants one" Brett Gardner
"Bernie goes boom!" Bernie Williams
"Bern baby Bern!" Bernie Williams
"Brosius the Ferocious" Scott Brosius
"Shane Spencer the home run dispenser!" Shane Spencer
"El Comedulce! Bobby Abreu is as sweet as candy!" Bobby Abreu


Rudy Giuliani is a Yankee whore.

Scott Brosius was nominated for entry to the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame. This could not have happened without the work of several loud, fat, STUPID Yankee beat writers.

Aaron Boone will someday be nominated for entry to the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame, too. Fuck you, NY Post.

The Yankees killed Nick Adenhart.

The Yankees bilked the State of New York and every team in baseball (see: "operating lease"), when building their (below standard) $1,000,000,000+ stadium.

Spinmove makes the point that Philadelphia fans don't deserve to boo A-Rod. After years of abuse, New Yorkers don't deserve to cheer for him. Hey fuckheads, look at this:
A-Rod regular season career: .305/.390/.576
A-Rod post-season career: .307/.408/.570
Alex Rodriguez is exceptionally good whenever. The fact that you were looking at tiny sample sizes may explain why he appears "choke" or "clutch." He's neither. He's just fucking great, and the truth about baseball is that more often than not, even the fucking great players make outs. I'd like to emphasize that I hate Alex Rodriguez. He's a cheat, a bad husband/father, a narcissist, the embodiment of fucked-up sports economics, and a Yankee. Are those any reasons for his own fans to hate him? Sure, but it's no reason to say he's bad at baseball, which is what they were doing for years. Morons.

2 comments:

Joe said...

Franco,

I'm impressed, but I'm still rooting for the Yankees in this one.

You didn't live in a college town halfway between Pittsburgh and Philly when the Phillies won last year.

I'd prefer to keep that full-on douchebaggery from happening again, even if it means rooting for the Yankees and all the evil they represent.

Of course, I'm sure that if I lived anywhere closer to NYC I would have a different opinion.

R.M. Jennings said...

To be fair and balanced, Hillary Clinton is a Yankee whore as well.

Suzyn Waldman refers to Yankees by first name. Always. And, when the Indians were winning 22-0 or whatever in the third game at the new Yankee Stadium, she was clearly drowning her sorrows in food by the sixth inning.