Thursday, March 20, 2008

Beating Your Girlfriend for Jesus > Beating Your Girlfriend Just Cuz

At least, Dan Rooney thinks so. From today's PG:

The Steelers decided to release wide receiver Cedrick Wilson last night, shortly after he was arrested for punching his former girlfriend in the face in a Pine restaurant.

"We're extremely disappointed with this incident,'' Steelers chairman Dan Rooney said this morning. "The Steelers do not condone violence of any kind, especially against women."

First off, it's good that you don't condone violence. Second, I'm glad that violence against men is less not-condoned than violence against women.

"The majority of our players are good citizens and make numerous positive contributions to the community. Unfortunately, these kinds of incidents reflect poorly on all our players and many innocent and good people are considered guilty by association, they get thrown into the pot, so to speak.'

Just think of all the tequila shots Ben Roethlisberger did off of Duquesne girls! That type of contribution to the local alcohol-serving-establishment economy is huge! Not to mention the bump that the Mexican economy got! These guys are princes. Just look at J

Rooney said Wilson, the team's No 4 wide receiver, was released because of the circumstances involved and that they differed from those of Pro Bowl linebacker James Harrison, who was arrested March 8 for assaulting his girlfriend in Ohio Township.

"I know many are asking the question of [why] we released Wilson and Harrison we kept,'' Rooney said. "The circumstances -- I know of the incidents, they are completely different.

Right, because in one case a guy was arrested for assaulting his girlfriend, and in the other, a guy was arrested for assaulting his former girlfriend. And is terrible.

In fact, when I say we don't condone these things, we don't, but we do have to look at the circumstances that are involved with other players and things like that, so they're not all the same."

Look, when I say we don't condone these things, I mean we don't. Unless the player is really, really, really, really good.

In Harrison's case, Rooney said the player was trying to take his son to be baptized, while Wilson had a previous incident with his girlfriend, although she was charged, but Wilson was not.

(Sidebar: Cedrick Wilson charged his girlfriend for assaulting him? What, is he Stephen Hawking? Could he not defend himself? Is his girlfriend Chyna?)

"What Jimmy Harrison was doing and how the incident occurred, what he was trying to do was really well worth it," Rooney said of Harrison's initial intent. "He was doing something that was good, wanted to take his son to get baptized where he lived and things like that. She said she didn't want to do it."

See? He was taking his son to get baptized! It's all okay, JESUS was involved! For example, if, on your way to church, you run over an adorable puppy because you were trying to shove 16 pounds of cocaine up your nose, and then use the dog carcass to beat an old woman to death, then it's okay, because you were going to a holy place. God loves you, and, as long as you love God back and are a pro-bowl linebacker, Dan Rooney loves you, too.

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