Situation: Jack Wilson drops a pop fly.
Logical response: None, whatsoever. Jack Wilson is a defensively sound shortstop. Like any fielder, he's going to make an error from time to time. This happens. But you can't accuse him of not wanting to catch the ball, as he's easily the only guy on the team who hustles with any regularity. He hustles because he enjoys playing baseball and, presumably, cares about winning. He's been a vocal team leader, and inexplicably enjoys playing for the Pirates. It's not Jack Wilson's fault the team is awful, and it's not like he's constantly dropping popups. Don't say anything, and just move on.
Pirates' response: Pitching coach Jim Colborn picked a fight with Wilson in the dugout, and the two got into a shouting match, despite the fact that it's absolutely none of Colborn's damn business, since he's the pitching coach (it's worth adding that Pirates TV broadcasts constantly show Colborn jawing at home plate umpires, arguing balls and strikes. No description I have ever heard of Jim Colborn has lead me to believe he's anything other than a pompous bafoon. Also worth noting is the fact that the Pirates' team ERA has risen from 4.42 to 4.60 during his tenure, and that every pitcher whose mechanics he's ever toyed with has gone on to become demonstrably worse and, eventually, severely injured).
Situation: Jack Wilson and pitching coach Jim Colborn get into a fight in the dugout.
Logical response: Colborn is fired, and his lackey, Jim Tracy, is out as manager at the end of the season. Jack Wilson isn't in charge of the team, but Colborn was tremendously out of line. More importantly, he's awful at his job. The logical choice to succeed Colborn is Pirates' minor league pitching coach Jeff Andrews -- a fabulous teacher and a great baseball mind. Andrews has the capability to be a fantastic big league pitching coach, and it'd be better he did it with the Pirates than not with the Pirates.
Pirates' response: Trade a player to be named to the Cubs for shortstop Cesar Izturis and cash considerations. Izturis is worse defensively than Jack Wilson, and worse offensively than Jack Wilson. How bad is Jack Wilson offensively? Opposing pitchers pitch to Jack Wilson with runners in scoring position, first base open and the pitcher on-deck. They do this, like, all the time. That's how bad Jack Wilson is offensively. Izturis is worse. Acquire Izturis and his $4.25 million salary (which makes him the second highest-paid player on the team), sending the message to Wilson that his leadership and positive attitude won't be tolerated. Then, begin shopping Wilson to an AL contender.
Some quick notes and stats on Izturis vs. Wilson, with some help from the FTC Sabermetrics Department's own Timmy the Geek:
2004-07 games played:
Wilson: 157, 158, 142, 86
Izturis: 159, 106, 54, 65
Wilson: 20, 22, 8
Izturis: -6, 10, -2
Career WARP3/g, current Pirate infielders:
Freddy Sanchez: 3.8%
Jack Wilson: 3.65%
Jose Bautista: 2.8%
Cesar Izturis: 1.95%
Jose Castillo: 1.8%
Conclusion: Cesar Izturis is patently bad at baseball. Jack Wilson is just slightly below average.
Average salary per win contributed (in U.S. Dollars):
Jason Bay WARP3/g (career): 5.6
Jason Bay WARP3/g (2006): 10.6
Jason Bay dollars/win (2006): $94,339.62
I'm starting to fucking hate sports.