Sunday, April 8, 2007

Breaking News Alert!

AUGUSTA, Ga. -- FTC wire services is reporting that Chicago Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson has won The Masters. He shot a 3-under-par 69 on Sunday to finish at 1-over 289 for the tournament, tying the highest winning score in Masters history.

Johnson finished his round two shots up on Tiger Woods, who entered the final round just one shot off the lead. Woods briefly took sole command of the leaderboard with a birdie on the second hole, but a broken club and several off-target shots derailed his attempt at a fifth green jacket. Needing to make up two strokes on the final two holes to tie the Bears' tackle and force a playoff, Woods managed only pars on the 17th and 18th holes to finish 3-over-par, in a three-way tie for second place.

After his disappointing finish, Woods speculated that golf likely appeals to Johnson's love of firearms.

"He played beautifully," Woods said. "Look at the round he shot out there ... He did what he needed to do. He went out there, grinded away, made shots he needed to make."

Johnson, though, remained stoic.

"As they say, giants gotta fall at some point," Johnson said, though it was unclear at the time if he was referring to Woods, the New York Giants, the Bears' recent Super Bowl loss, or his recently murdered bodyguard, William Posey.

More on this story as it develops.

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