Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Will They or Won't They?

I know what you're all wondering... will the Pirates cut Dan Kolb, or give him $1.25 million to suck as a reliever?

From Today's Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

Kolb was coming off two shaky outings -- which cast some doubt with management -- before retiring the only two batters he faced in the ninth inning of a 3-2 edging of the Boston Red Sox yesterday at City of Palms Park. And he did so in customary style, by getting grounders.

There is nothing customary about Dan Kolb getting outs

"Dan Kolb did a fine job," manager Jim Tracy said.

Well now I'm sold.

The Pirates must decide by tomorrow about Kolb. That is when he can execute the opt-out clause in his one-year, $1.25 million contract that allows him to declare free agency if he is not added to the 25-man roster, a right he surely will exercise. The other pitchers would remain Pirates property regardless.

Yeah, he'll be a hot commodity. Seriously, we might give this guy more than a million bucks rather than give his innings to Jonah Bayliss, who I think gets paid minimum wage, or either of the other reasonably good middle relievers (John Wasdin and Marty McLeary) who are part of a work-study exchange program that allows them to be paid in food stamps and cans of Alpo.

...The Pirates still have not decided whether to carry three catchers or two. If the backup is Humberto Cota, Ryan Doumit will be free to play some right field and first base. If not, Doumit will be the backup. Whichever way that goes determines whether there are four or five bench openings.

Hey sports fans, let's ask you: You can have either 1) two backup catchers who can't hit or 2) one backup who can't hit and the most powerful hitter in minor league history (Brad Eldred) on the bench.

Those bidding for the outfield are Nate McLouth, Luis Matos, Brad Eldred and maybe Doumit. Those bidding for the infield -- assuming Freddy Sanchez is out and Jose Castillo replaces him -- are Jose Hernandez and Don Kelly.

That is the most depressing thing I've ever read. I'm going to go kill myself now.


Matt said...

To be fair, the reason the Pirates have held onto Doumit at all is because of his bat, but he's so lost for a position that it's tough to get him into the lineup at all.

They're going to end up keeping Cota and Doumit. Because they're stupid.

HenryLouisMencken said...

If you get Matos, all you really have to look forward to is him grounding into double plays and really obnoxious salsa walkout music. Let's go O's.